Drömmer ni mardrömmar ofta? Jag har drömt jättemånga mardrömmar nu på senaste tiden. Börjar fks bli jobbigt, vaknar alltid upp skakis, kallsvettas o grejer.  Drömde senast idag att jag blev grovt misshandlad av en snubbe. Alla mina kompisar och min pojkvän stod bara och tittade på utan att göra ngt... Det var inte en behaglig dröm! Smärtan i slagen kändes så äkta.

På bussen hem idag vare några skol kids med skol-buss kort som gick före mig och busschaufförn bah "nää, dom funkar inte, gå bara förbi". Han ser rätt sur ut så jag vågar mig inte på att ljuga om att jag också har skolkort. Så jag tar fram femtio lappen och han ba: "Har du inget skol-buss kort?" Jag ba "nää..." Och så säger han "Amen, damen får gå ändå" och så blinkar han med ena ögat och nickar mot trappen.. HAHA wtf?! Aja, ja tjänade en femtio lapp iaf , fett värt :) Men det var lite gross fks, gammal gubbe och allt ju.. Haha ;)

Det här är verkligen en av mina favorit låttexter av Taylor Swift. Den prickar av allt.. För alla tjejer i stort sätt tänker såhär.

In the heat of the fight I walked away
Ignoring words that you were saying
Trying to make me stay
I said, 'This time I've had enough'
And you've called a hundred times
But I'm not picking up
Cause I'm so mad I might tell you that it's over
But if you look a little closer

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window throwing pebbles
Screaming, 'I'm in love with you'
Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for more
And don't you leave cause I know
All I need is on the other side of the door

Me and my stupid pride are sitting here alone
Going through the photographs, staring at the phone
I keep going back over things we both said
And I remember the slamming door and all the things that I misread
So babe if you know everything, tell me why you couldn't see
When I left I wanted you to chase after me

Yeah, I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window throwing pebbles
Screaming, 'I'm in love with you'
Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for more
And don't you leave cause I know
All I need is on the other side of the door

And I'll scream out the window
I can't even look at you
I don't need you but I do, I do, I do
I say, "There's nothing you can say to make this right
I mean it, I mean it"
What I mean is

I said, "Leave," but baby all I want is you
To stand outside my window throwing pebbles
Screaming, 'I'm in love with you'
Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for more
And don't you leave cause I know
All I need is on the other side of the door

With your face and the beautiful eyes
And the conversation with the little white lies
And the faded picture of a beautiful night
You carry me from your car to the stairs
And I broke down crying, was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess, I need you

Vet inte hur jag ska göra. Är förvirrad, har massa ångest och kan inte komma fram till en lösning som lämnar någon oskadad. Hur vet man egentligen vad som är rätt val? Har tänkt på det här skitlänge nu.. Det är en kamp mellan hjärta och hjärna. Mellan förnuft och känslor. Jag vet vad jag vill..men jag vet inte om jag kan.

Fyfan har varit så depp på senaste tiden. Vill hitta på ngt kul snart. Le lite. Om det är någon som vill hitta på ngt i veckan, call me. Serri, vem som helst. Bara få ngt annat sätt att fördriva tiden på än att ligga här och mögla bort i min säng..

I could sense a new atmosphere
And suddenly we both were standing there
Like old friends it was smiles and laughs
Can't remember since I had such a blast

You had me so fluttured
I started to stutter
Tell me what's happening?

Ref.
What did you do to me?
Why can't I get you off my mind?
That time when I had to leave,
Why was it so hard to say goodbye?
I don't know you but there was something in your eyes
Had my heart racin' and I can't help but wonder how
What did you do to me?

Where have you been all this time?
Why didn't you show up till now?
Just when I was sure that I had had enough
You came out of nowhere and mananged to cheer me up

You had me so nervous
Tried to be so perfect
Tell me what's happening?

Ref.
What did you do to me?
Why can't I get you off my mind?
That time when I had to leave,
Why was it so hard to say goodbye?
I don't know you but there was something in your eyes
Had my heart racin' and I can't help but wonder how
What did you do to me?

Look but don't touch,
but I want it so much
And I wish I didn't have to say
Baby you are just way too late
But my goodbye doesn't mean I love you less
I swear in another life my answer would've been yes

Ref.
So what did you do to me?
Why can't I get you off my mind?
That time when I had to leave,
Why was it so hard to say goodbye?

Ooh,

What did you do to me?
Why can't I get you off my mind?
That time when I had to leave,
Why was it so hard to say goodbye?
I don't know you but there was something in your eyes
Had my heart racin' and I can't help but wonder how
What did you do to me?

Oh, wish we didn't feel the way we feel
What did you do to me?

Typ sån här hårfärg jag skulle vilja ha till sommarn. Massa blonda slingor i en fin honungsblond färg. Tror jag ska köpa brun hårförlängning och bleka det mesta av mitt riktiga hår så det ser ut som att överhåret är ljust iaf?;)

Känns som att det kmr bli en fett tråkig vecka. Men life's what you make it I guess. Får se till att träffa lite kompisar i veckan. Felicia for exampleee! Och Emilia? Vars håller du huuus emilio? ;) Ah, ledig imorrn iaf. Sköönt♥

Hur gammal är du ? :)
älskar din blogg!<3
du skriver så jävla fin texter!<33
du är bäst!<3

Svar: Tack så mkt:] söt.

Jag är 16, fyller 17 i Oktober :)

And somewhere between the laughs, the promises of tomorrow and the joy I actually believed there was a possibility that I might be as important to you as you are to me.
I was wrong.

I have to do what's right now. The right things often only brings you happiness in the end, which means it'll be a hell of a lot suffering until you get there. Sometimes what you want and the right thing are two completely different things. I know what I want, I know what my heart is in need of.

But I gotta do the right thing. Not just for me. Especially not just for me.
And it's gonna hurt... a lot.

Who am I trying to fool? What was I thinking? What the hell was I sayin'?

I'm a fucking mess and it's mine to clean up before I go and make someone else  drown in it. No one should be too involved and that's where a mistake has been made. It's fucking enough now. I've been a selfish rat, I can't put my weights on people who don't know how to handle it. I'm backing off, back to my corner where I should stay until I know how to control my emotions. I need to fucking shut up and realize I can't pity myself to feel better. I don't deserve any of the good in life I've got. It's time to stop acting like I do. It's me, myself and I for a pretty damn long while now and hell yeah I'm gonna push people away, but they should thank me for that. I'm a lonely wolf but I've been living among all of the flying birds. I need to get back to the ground where I belong. I need to make it on my own. And I might just lose everything. I know that. But after all, isn't that precisely what I deserve? It's time to shut everything out and shut myself in. I need to focus. I need to learn how to say goodbye.

Nu ska jag fixa lite käk,läsa och sova därefter. Imorgon är det en ny dag, får se om man hittar på något!
Pussaaar

hahahah ser bah uppstoppad ut...

I hate being without you. I hate sleeping without you. I hate spending my days without you. I hate being way too far away from you. I hate my addiction and my obsession with you. I hate distance in every way. I hate the way I feel lost, shattered, broken and lonely without you. I hate the fact that the world could be coming to an end any day and I've wasted all my previous time being somwhere you're not. I hate it just as much as you do. The only thing that keeps me going is believing it will turn out good. It's believing we're strong enough. It's believing I haven't lost my mind completely. Yet. 

The hardest part is knowing that the hours, the minutes and the seconds I spend with you are the ones I'm sure I'll never regret, those moments with you are the moments I'm living for. The moments I'm breathing for.
The moments I'm reducing for nothing.

Tänkte på denna låt titel redan då jag var hemma hos Nicke och gjorde en låt av den nyss. Om ca 2 veckor firar vi vår halvårsdag, sjukt vad tiden går♥ Denna är iaf skriven till honom:)

First kiss

First touch

I rewind it in my head

What's this?

It's love

Laughin' at the signs so missread

Cause you were in to me

And I was in to you

But we just didn't see

No one had a clue


REF.

Now do you remember

Holding hands the first night under the moon?

In late dark December

Exchanging the new years kiss in your room?

Oh do you remember

The first snow falling at the wake up of me and you?

28th of September

When you and I broke down all of the rules

Oh I don't ever want this to end

I wanna do it again

Bad times

Heavy nights

Couldn't stand it when you cried

Small fights

Rolling eyes

Cause it's set when you've made up your mind

But you're in to me

Like I'm in to you

Now I finally see

And I know you do too

REF.

Now do you remember

Holding hands the first night under the moon?

In late dark December

Exchanging the new years kiss in your room?

Oh do you remember

The first snow falling at the wake up of me and you?

28th of September

When you and I broke down all of the rules

Oh I don't ever want this to end

I wanna do it again

And when I say, when I say I don't want it like before

You must know, can't you tell I'm in need of so much more

And when I say, when I say this moment I'm more than okay

All I mean, all I want is to re-live this day

I wanna do it again

Oooh

Oh

I'm gonna do it again, and again and again and again

REF.

Now do you remember

Holding hands the first night under the moon?

In late dark December

Exchanging the new years kiss in your room?

Oh do you remember

The first snow falling at the wake up of me and you?

28th of September

When you and I broke down all of the rules

Oh I don't ever want this to end

I wanna do it again

And there are so many things i wish I’d said

You walking away is on repeat in my head

And all I did was trying not to cry

I never said I was good with goodbyes

And you said you’re nothing without me

Well to you nothing seems to work just fine

And you said I’ll never watch you leave

Well baby tell me now that’s not  a lie

Ref.

Cause I stood there lost in the rain

I reached for you as you walked away

And I counted the steps that you made

From the promises of yesterday

And I felt the love vanish and fade

And you told me that we’d never break

Never break

And now my friends ask me if I’m okay

I just nod and smile like every day

Till I get home and throw that face away

Curl up all wounded wonderin’ why’d you make me stay

And you painted me a world of perfection

And now I see it’s just your imagination

And when reality strikes you cut the ropes

Ask me baby , I should know

Ref.

Cause I stood there lost in the rain

I reached for you as you walked away

And I counted the steps that you made

From the promises of yesterday

And I felt the love vanish and fade

And you told me that we’d never break

Never break

You said you’d marry me

You’d say yes and I’d do too

You said you’d give me everything

When all I ever wanted was you

I only wanted you

And if you hadn’t given out

Oh you would’ve known if you’d turn around

Ref.

Cause I stood there lost in the rain

I reached for you as you walked away

If you think that I’d always wait

Then it’s just one of your many mistakes

And I felt the love vanish and fade

And you told me that we’d never break

Ooh

Never break

Dagens humör: Helt okej! Lite less på att vara sjuk , but I'm fine

Dagens mående: Not so good. Ont i halsen, hosta, snuva, vattkoppor..rubbet

Dagens borde: Smörja in vattkopporna med sån där spritgrejjs så de torkar ut, men det svider bara så jääävla mycket...

Dagens frisyr: Två flätor haha ;)

Dagens smink: Inget smink alls! Orkar inte sminka mina vattkoppor direkt 

Dagens klädsel: Linne, munkjacka & mjukisar!

Dagens planer: Ska se en ny film dem köpt med mina småsyskon som är trött på att jag gömmer mig inne på rummet med datorn hela dagarna medan jag är sjuk haha

Dagens materiella vill ha: En IPOD!! Musik 24/7 ..ahh. Vore så jävla skönt & sitta och lyssna på bussen everyday. Min dåliga mobil rymmer inte så många låtar

Dagens fundering: Undra när i helvete jag blir frisk!

Dagens beroende: Musikaa

Dagens tråkigaste: Gissa

Dagens längtan: Älsklingen min! 

Dagens superlängtan: Fortfarande min honii .. vill ha han här nuuuu! 

Dagens tidning: Inte läst ngn

Dagens låt: Smile, Avril Lavigne från nya albumet "Goodbye Lullaby"

FulbildN

It’s a new day. Perhaps it’ll be a better one as well. I’m realizing my bad health has been messing with me mentally as well. I can’t control these mood changes, and I can’t help but feeling sad most of the time. Or maybe it’s just because I finally realized I’m just not happy. I’m grateful to a lot, but not happy. And it’s hard to figure out exactly what’s missing. There’s a piece I’ve been searching for so long but just doesn’t seem to reach

There’s definitely something missing..

I cry on the inside pretty often. Sometimes I turn around, bit my lower lip so hard I can feel the bloodtaste – just to keep myself from crying out loud.

But tonight I did. I just couldn’t stop. And I don’t know why I’m even writing this. Maybe because I’m shocked. I’ve been holding back my feelings for so long and I wasn’t ready for it all to explode like this. I didn’t even realize how much I had been holding it back until I realized those tears could create a river together. I just needed this little thing to be upset about and all of my problems fell down over me and captured me within in. Tonight’s been a nightmare. Being pretty damn sick and feeling mentally ill as well is not a good combination. I can’t even write a song about it cause I don’t find the words to describe how I feel about every thing right now.

Igår drog jag & Nicke in till Vindeln, partade hos brorsan och imorse vaknade jag med; TAA DAAA – vattenkoppor. Awesome. Jag klagade jätte mkt tidigare idag pga halsont, ledvärk, huvudvärk, värk runt hjärtat och runt revbenen, kliandet av kopporna osv osv osv. Jag borde inte ha klagat ett SKIT. Det är så himla mkt värre nu bara några timmar senare. Jag har typ över 150 vattenkoppor på min kropp just nu och det har knappt gått ett dygn. Jag känner mig så svag att jag inte orkar gå upp ur sängen vid vissa tillfällen och febern kommer och går. Dessutom tror vi att jag fått en infektion i axeln. Jag kliade upp två st koppor där och nu har det svällt upp och ser allmänt cp ut. Ont gör det också :/.

Det var iaf surt att åka hem så snabbt. Ville ju umgås med Nicke men nepp. Nu blir jag fast här på rummet över typ en månad och kan inte göra annat än att hoppas på att jag inte blir allt för dålig. Mamma säger dock att det blir värre och värre dom tre första dagarna, att det är dom som är jobbigast :/ Så ser jag fram emot imorgon? Eh nej.

Fan att jag inte fick mina vattenkoppor då jag var liten, som dom flesta andra :(. Då hade det varit mkt mildare också… Vattenkoppor slår till hårdare ju äldre du är. Kan också räkna med öroninflammation & halsfluss. Redan börjat känna av båda delarna:/

Påtal om ingenting så ser jag ut som ett monster. Ingen får verkligen träffa mig förrän jag är hundra procent frisk. INGEN! Jag är blek som ett lik, typ lila runt ögonen och prickig överaaallt plus mascara som runnit ner för ansiktet..